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This
list identifies a series of behaviors typically demonstrated by
batterers and abusive people. All of these forms of abuse,
psychological, economic, and physical ~ come from the batterer's
desire for power and control. The list can help you recognize if you
or someone you know is in a violent relationship. check off those
behaviors that apply to the relationship. The more checks on the
page, the more dangerous the situation may be.
Emotional
and Economic Attacks
 Destructive
Criticism/Verbal Abuse: Name-calling; mocking; accusing; blaming;
yelling; swearing; making humiliating remarks or gestures.
Tripping
and other forms of intimidation; sulking; threatening to withhold
money; manipulating the children; telling you what to do.
Abusing
authority: always claiming to be right (insisting statements are
"the truth"); telling you what to do; making big decisions;
using "logic".
Disrespect:
Interrupting; changing topics; not listening or responding; twisting
your words; putting you down in front of other people; saying bad
things about your friends and family.
Abusing
Trust: Lying; withholding information; cheating on you; being overly jealous.
Breaking
Promises: Not following through on agreements; not taking a fair
share of responsibility; refusing to help with child care or housework.
Emotional
Withholding: Not expressing feelings; not giving support, attention,
or compliments; not respecting feelings, rights, or opinions.
Minimizing,
Denying & Blaming: Making light of behavior and not taking your
concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting
responsibility for abusive behavior; saying you caused it.
Economic
Control: Interfering with your work or not letting you work;
refusing to give you or taking your money; taking your car keys or
otherwise preventing you from using the car; threatening to report
you to welfare or other social service agencies.
Self-Destructive
Behavior: Abusing drugs or alcohol; threatening suicide or other
forms of self-harm; deliberately saying or doing things that will
have negative consequences (e.g., telling off the boss).
Isolation:
Preventing or making it difficult for you to see friends or
relatives; monitoring phone calls; telling you where you can and
cannot go.
arassment:
Making uninvited visits or calls; following you; checking up on you;
embarrassing you in public; refusing to leave when asked.
Acts
of Violence
Intimidation:
Making angry or threatening gestures; use of physical size to
intimidate; standing in doorway during arguments; out shouting you;
driving recklessly.
Destruction:
Destroying your possessions (e.g., furniture); punching walls;
throwing and/or breaking things.
Threats:
Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you or others.
Sexual
Violence: Degrading treatment based on your sex or sexual
orientation; using force or coercion to obtain sex or perform sexual acts.
Physical
Violence: Being violent to you, your children, household pets or
others; slapping; punching; grabbing; kicking; choking; pushing;
biting; burning; stabbing; shoots; etc.
Weapons:
Use of weapons, keeping weapons around which frighten you;
threatening or attempting to kill you or those you love.
~From
"Domestic Violence: The Facts"~
~Battered
Women Fighting Back~
National
Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE
(7233)
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