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1.
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
coffee table.
3.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under
the bed.
4.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
5.
I will not eat the cats' food; before they eat it or after they
throw it up.
6.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet
in the house when I am about to get sick.
7.
I will not throw up in the car.
8.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I
like the way they smell.
9.
"Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not food.
10.
I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them
in the backyard after processing.
11.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
12.
If I chew my human's toothbrush, I will tell them.
13.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my
people will think I am hemorrhaging.
14.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down
when it's raining outside.
15.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
16.
I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard
with it.
17.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & dad's laps.
18.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
19.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's
driver's license and car registration.
20.
I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
21.
I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom
garbage and therefore avoid having a string hanging out of my butt.
22.
I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option
after just getting a bath.
23.
Sticking my nose into someone's behind is not an acceptable way of
saying hello.
24.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across
the carpet.
25.
The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and just because
the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
26.
Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.
27.
The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
Author
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