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If you have to
throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in
time, get to an Oriental rug. Shag is good!
Determine
quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the
evening. He won't dare push you off and will even call you
"nice kitty." If you can arrange to have cat food on your
breath, so much the better.
For sitting on
laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select colors which contrast
with your own.
Always
accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything.
Just sit and stare.
For guests who
say, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain, claws
applied to stockings or a quick nip on the ankles.
Do not allow
closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs and
hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is not
necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have ordered
an outside door opened, stand half in and half out and think about
several things. This is particularly important during very cold
weather or mosquito season.
If one person
is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. For book
readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can lie across the
book itself.
For ladies
knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to doze. Then reach out
and slap knitting needles sharply. This is what she calls a dropped
stitch. She will try to distract you. Ignore it.
For people
doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being removed
for the second time, push anything movable off the table --
pens,pencils, stamps -- one at a time.
Get enough
sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh for playing at night
between 2 & 4 a.m.
~Author Unknown~ |
